I cannot put into words the depth of my feelings of the past couple of months and all that has gone on to create such feelings. I mean, technically, I can, but I wouldn't know where to even start. All I know is that right at this moment I am at an impasse, and I need to continue to dig deep to take another step, just one more step and eventually it won't be so difficult to continue on the path that apparently has been forced upon me.
I totally, wicked, super hate vague ass blog posts like this one is turning out to be. I always promise never to read that particular blogger anymore because she just pisses me off with her blatant vagueness, but my friends, I can tell you that you will be in for many, many stories coming out of this mess that my life is currently doling out. You will thank me, for my inner sarcastic bitch will come out in full force, and once again, you (hopefully) will not feel alone.
Regardless, so my shits all over the freakin' place lately, and I seriously cannot find my way to where I put my mind. *insert Pixie's tune here that I shall hum for the rest of the evening* I just put the kids to bed, and my daughter asked me to snuggle with her which I promptly blew off to come downstairs and just be alone for a minute. That's when I opened the computer and read a fellow mommy blogger who most certainly I was meant to read tonight. She reminded me of what little things matter and how they make the biggest impact.
I shut off the computer and went upstairs and crawled into bed with my big girl without saying a word. She rolled over, and while I got wet hair in my face from when she took a shower not too long ago, I got clean head smell mixed with Jillian. That was the best five minutes I've spent on anything so far this week. She is my rock, my center, and she helps complete me. Those five minutes helped remind me why I'm struggling so hard right now; because these little people depend on me to care for them. I am their mother. I am so blessed and so lucky to have these two beings. I don't claim to do the best job. I only claim to know in my heart I am doing the best I can.
As I was walking down the stairs I heard Jillian call out goodnight to Andrew across the hall, and I smiled when I heard him call goodnight right back to her. I'm going to be okay in the end because I have them, and they're going to be okay in the end because they have me. I'm not very religious, but I believe these two gifts were given to me for a reason I don't quite know yet. They certainly are a couple of very special people, and I will continue to give them nothing but my all because they deserve nothing less and ask for nothing more.
*cheers my friends*
You can also find me at: Confessions of a Truu Mom