Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Summertime Blues

That's kind of an oxymoron; summertime blues.  I do not really have the blues per se.  In fact, this summer with the kids (as I jinx myself here) hasn't been all that bad overall.  Of course, that could be because the toddler and the pre-teen haven't been interacting that much, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've hung out with said pre-teen.  I can also say that about 85% of those times have been spent in the car bringing her here, there and over that way, but I don't regret it.  I mean she's 11, and this is what summer is supposed to be all about; camp, going over to pool parties, hanging with her girlfriends, giggling over any and all things silly. I do miss her, and tonight she's hanging here because she has a dentist appointment and she hasn't done a damn chore in about two weeks.  Frankly, my house looks like shit because of it.

I also am like 90% of the people "out there" wherein I hate having to work during the summertime and watch those teacher friends or SAHM friends or part-time-working friends head to the beach (which I hate the beach so why am I jealous) or talk about having their friends with kids over all day or insert any activity which you find yourself getting jealous over here.  However, I will try to focus on the positive and that is I work from home.  This allows me more time than it used to when I worked in the office for "fun, cool mom stuff" to do.  Of course, I am basically only doing it with one child as the other one, as stated above, only sees me in the car going from one fun thing to the other fun thing, but hell, I'll take what I can get.

Today it was heading over to Kidz Wurld and letting the toddler run around and jump in the bouncy houses and work up a sweat while I sat in the air conditioning reading a magazine -- that was three months old but I got to "sit and read" for a whole uninterrupted 10 minutes.  It's the small things, you know it is, and well, that's about all I've got for this week planned.  Not very exciting, but a small break in the otherwise hectic work schedule and running pre-teen around is very welcomed around here.

So while I'm sitting here missing on my girl and realizing that half the summer is over and I didn't get to do much of the "fun, cool mom stuff" with her, I'm remembering that a mini-vacation to Cape Cod is coming up which I just know in my heart of hearts I will look back on said-upcoming vacation and realize how frustrating it really was because that's what "vacations with kids" will get you; frustration and much tongue-holding.  It never turns out like my big, white, puffy-cloud dream vacation where everyone is riding the waves with dad while mom reads a book under the big umbrella and we nonchalantly climb the hill to the beach restaurant overlooking the water while the two kids giggle and color while mom and dad leisurely drink a beer while looking at the ocean thinking about how peaceful and relaxing this vacation is and why don't we do this more often.  *snort*  I call bullshit to those who claim their vacations go according to their all mighty plan.

Regardless, I can't wait until I get to that vacation because it means one thing; I'm not working and I'm hanging with my loves, all three of them, the kids and the husband.  This year I'm going to bite my tongue so much it's going to bleed.  I make this vow to you all now.  I also will make a vow to appear in at least one picture this summer as well.  For now, it's back to the drawing board as I can feel my work deadline laying oppressively on my right shoulder.  I hope this summer is treating you all better than summers' past and that you have at least one extra fun memory to balance out the frustrating ones.

*cheers my friends*

You can also visit me at Confessions of a Truu Mom

Thursday, July 5, 2012

My Girl is Gone

As you may or may not know my oldest child has gone to her father's house all week.  They are doing their traditional first week of July mayhem; water parks, amusement parks, the 4th of July parade, the having-no-chores-to-do week.  This, of course, is the week I look forward to and dread all in one.  I know I'll miss her, and it's not so much the missing her part that gets to me since it's been 10 years she's been doing this, but it's the whole feeling of "she's totally never going to want to come home because dad's house has no rules and no toddler messing with her stuff so he's clearly the cooler parent" type thing.

Whatever, I brush it off with jokes of "now who will do my chores" or "at least I won't have to listen to her and her brother fight" and things that hide my sadness.  I've filled my week so far with numerous things that would have been going on regardless of if she was here or not; work, toddler tantrums, house cleaning (or pretending to make it look not like an episode of Hoarders), gym time, you know, what I simply call Life.  Well, while doing my paperwork for work this afternoon the phone rang.  It was my girl, and she was calling to say hi, how are you and I've been doing super cool things with dad that you and I don't do and I don't miss you one bit because this is so awesome not being home.  Okay, okay, so she really didn't say that, but she WAS calling to say hello which was very sweet (although I'm sure she remembered the guilt trip I a little bit meant to lay on her before she left about how she never calls me).  She was also calling me because she needed something from me.  YAY, even on vacation MOM IS NEEDED!!!

While working I saw her pull up in the driveway and she got out of the car in her two pigtail braids, and I tried not to cry, no sniffle, no tear, no sob -- just a catch in my throat.  I hid around the corner and surprised her and grabbed her for a big hug, again, trying not to cry for fear she'd go running from the house never to want to return.  She then proceeded to take off her flip flops and measure up to see if she had grown taller than me in the five days she's been absent.  I can proudly say I STILL have one inch on her although I make no promises to be able to hold onto the title of Taller Than My 11-year-old Daughter much longer. 

She asked to see her brother who is sleeping.  I grabbed the opportunity and told her to come back after her skateboarding lesson tonight when he would be awake and she could see him and hug him and talk to him.  Score one for mommy's quick thinking.  I grabbed another few minutes of big girl time.  It means a lot to me.  I kid about what a pain in the ass she is in her pre-teen way, but I know what an amazing person she is.  I guess sometimes it just takes a little bit of that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" type of shit to pull your head out of your ass -- or at least mine.  It apparently applies to every person you love.  I'm clearly not that heartless of a mother after all as I sit here and wipe away the tears thinking about how much I really do miss her, and I hope that all my rantings don't result in years of therapy for her later on in life.  I am her mother, and I hope one day she will call me her friend as well. 

*cheers my friends*

You can also find me at Confessions of a Truu Mom