Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Random Babble about My Pre-teen

So with all the bullshit surrounding my days lately it's been difficult for me to focus on the little things - as you may have noticed in my recent entry.  My days are just like any mom's day, you know, filled with morning school routines, rushing out the door hopefully remembering to tell your kids to brush their teeth and wondering if you, in fact, did the same for yourself.  This morning as I was rushing down the hall to get my shoes on to run Jillian to school in time to miss that damn school bus I always seem to get stuck behind, I saw out of the corner of my eye my pre-teen with her face way close up to the bathroom mirror applying lip gloss, you know, colored lip gloss.  I'll be damned if I missed a beat in getting my shoes on because I refuse to be behind that damn bus this morning; I have too much work to do today for too little money of course. 

We got hastily in the car, and as I miraculously missed the bus by a split second (yeah, that's right girl, I didn't let you out in front of me at the stop sign bus lady) I looked at Jillian and asked her why she put on lip gloss.  She shrugged at me in typical "girl" fashion.  I smiled and asked her if it was because she wanted her lips to be all sparkly and pretty in an exaggerated "fashionista" voice.  She liked that and smiled.  I smiled because I was thinking of yesterday's car conversation where I asked her how Ian was and she got all giddy and proceeded to tell me a story that droned on for about 5 minutes (which felt like 30 minutes to my ears) about something cutsie that Ian did or perhaps didn't really do.  I can't quite remember at this moment because Ian really isn't cute to me, and I was paying attention more to how cute Jillian was with her hands flying all over the place while telling her story, kind of like I do.

So I'm at the point where there is lip gloss already?! Hell, I don't even wear make-up (which is why I'd like to believe I don't look my 38 years of age because I can remember the two handfuls of times I've worn make-up).  Jillian thinks it's funny that when I have bought make-up it's numbered with directions on the back of where to place certain colors.  *shrug*  What the hell do I know except that I'm sure my daughter is going to continue to remind me about my pre-teen and teen years.  I have an advantage over her though; I still remember those days, both shitty and awesome, like they were yesterday.  I will not let on to that fact though so I can keep her on her toes.

I love that kid and am hoping that it stays at colored lip gloss at this point.  I'm almost ready for anything she has to throw my way...I said almost.

*cheers my friends*

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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Out With the Old...

I cannot put into words the depth of my feelings of the past couple of months and all that has gone on to create such feelings.  I mean, technically, I can, but I wouldn't know where to even start.  All I know is that right at this moment I am at an impasse, and I need to continue to dig deep to take another step, just one more step and eventually it won't be so difficult to continue on the path that apparently has been forced upon me.

I totally, wicked, super hate vague ass blog posts like this one is turning out to be.  I always promise never to read that particular blogger anymore because she just pisses me off with her blatant vagueness, but my friends, I can tell you that you will be in for many, many stories coming out of this mess that my life is currently doling out.  You will thank me, for my inner sarcastic bitch will come out in full force, and once again, you (hopefully) will not feel alone.

Regardless, so my shits all over the freakin' place lately, and I seriously cannot find my way to where I put my mind.  *insert Pixie's tune here that I shall hum for the rest of the evening*   I just put the kids to bed, and my daughter asked me to snuggle with her which I promptly blew off to come downstairs and just be alone for a minute.  That's when I opened the computer and read a fellow mommy blogger who most certainly I was meant to read tonight.  She reminded me of what little things matter and how they make the biggest impact.

I shut off the computer and went upstairs and crawled into bed with my big girl without saying a word.  She rolled over, and while I got wet hair in my face from when she took a shower not too long ago, I got clean head smell mixed with Jillian.  That was the best five minutes I've spent on anything so far this week.  She is my rock, my center, and she helps complete me.  Those five minutes helped remind me why I'm struggling so hard right now; because these little people depend on me to care for them.  I am their mother.  I am so blessed and so lucky to have these two beings.  I don't claim to do the best job.  I only claim to know in my heart I am doing the best I can.

As I was walking down the stairs I heard Jillian call out goodnight to Andrew across the hall, and I smiled when I heard him call goodnight right back to her.  I'm going to be okay in the end because I have them, and they're going to be okay in the end because they have me.  I'm not very religious, but I believe these two gifts were given to me for a reason I don't quite know yet.  They certainly are a couple of very special people, and I will continue to give them nothing but my all because they deserve nothing less and ask for nothing more.

*cheers my friends*

You can also find me at:  Confessions of a Truu Mom