Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It's Only Tuesday You Say?!

Pet Peeve No. 1:  It is without fail, whenever I have to be somewhere I get stuck behind the car that is taking a Sunday stroll on a Tuesday morning.

Oh silly me, that's not my No. 1 Pet Peeve -- surely, the crying tween on the other end of the phone while stuck driving behind said Sunday-stroller-on-a-Tuesday-morning is the cake topper.  She's crying because she forgot her gym sneakers for the second week in a row.  Last week I told her that I was not going to bring her her sneakers because she's old enough to remember them and just because I work at home that didn't mean I could jump at her every need.  Fine.  I told her no again this morning and hung up the phone with sniffles and tears.

Now I'm pissed off because of the tears.  I'm getting more and more heated because why am *I* feeling guilty when she's perfectly capable of remembering her shit in the morning since she has time to sit around and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the boy child.  I'm feeling pissy because I know this is going to stew and fester in my mind all day; those goddamn tears.  I can't stand it.  I start to think about all the things I do for the boy because he's not capable of doing everything obviously, but then that steamrolls into just another pile of mommy guilt shit.  I have to go bring these sneakers to her because it's going to ruin my entire day and I'm selfish.  I need to not have my entire day ruined from tears, but you can bet your ass I'm going to ream her a new one when I get to the school.

You do realize that I grab the sneakers and get stuck behind another mother-effin Sunday driver.  Apparently he can see the rage on my face because he pulls over and let's me pass him.  I think he knew he was THISCLOSE to losing his life on this Tuesday morning. 

I am happy to report that Jillian will be doing all her chores and then some extra shit that I have no desire to do tonight with no face, no attitude, no talking back.  I also suspect that there will be no more forgetting said sneakers again.  Should there be sneaker forgetting, I am positive that there will be no phone call asking for them. 

Now if the toddler pisses his pants at school today, I can promise you that there will no longer be a blog from me as I will have lost all ability to form a proper thought, let alone put that thought on "paper."

*cheers my friends*

Please visit me at Confessions of a Truu Mom

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Typical Me...

I probably need to be medicated.  Upon further quick thinking let me state that I know I need to be medicated.  Everything is turning me into a sniffling freak, and I'm doing the best I can not to let people see me lest I embarrass my older child or freak my younger child out.  I've lost count of all the times I've gotten teary-eyed this week and all the places where I would hope no one would see me, but I shall do a quick recap of just a couple for you.

1)  The gym parking lot this morning.  Oh for Christ's sakes, the gym parking lot??!! Really??!  Who the hell gets teary eyed that their toddler pissed in the toilet at the public gym??!! *hangs head and raises hand* 

2)  The church rec room yesterday surrounded by tons of other moms who weren't crying when their daughter "bridged" over to the next chapter in Girl Scout life.  Seriously, how come *I* was the only one trying not to sob uncontrollably at this little ceremony?! 

3)  My living room couch when I was reviewing said Girl Scout pictures I took yesterday (realizing that 3/4 of them were blurry, probably because I was wiping snot from my face while taking said pictures) when I came upon the PERFECT picture for a Father's Day present for my daughter's father.  *sigh*  I don't really care much for the man, and I certainly don't have any extra money to spend on his ungrateful ass, but with that being said, I do consider myself to be rather fantastic and will do this for him simply because, let's face it, I'm rather fantastic. 

Anyways, I'm quite fearful for the near and distant future.  I'm sure I'll cry when Andrew goes to pre-school.  I'm sure I'll cry the same exact day 20 minutes later when Jillian is going into 6th grade.  I'm sure I'll cry when/if she doesn't kiss me goodbye on said first day of 6th grade.  I can't even begin to think about school dances and proms and boyfriends.  I'll be a blubbering mess for many more moments, and I promise I will try not to embarrass the kids too much so that they will still want to be seen with me. 

I love those little shits.  They mean the world to me and even on the most horrid of days of being a mommy, I'd redo these years all over again because I know I've missed so much so far no matter how many times I remind myself to slow down.

4)  My office in front of the computer screen -- at least I'm by myself this time.

*cheers my friends*

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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Teachable Moments

I am a big believer in grabbing the teachable moments in the moment and run with it.  I try not to sound preachy or all-knowing because, as we all know, I have not the slightest idea of what the hell I'm doing most of the time.  I also don't believe in having "sit-down-let's-talk" moments as when my mom would do that to me it never either (a) felt good to start off with and (b) never really ended well.

However, with this being said I do realize that shit happens whenever it happens, and whatever the subject calls for, I will go with it.  One such moment came the other day while driving with my kids in the car; Jillian, 11 and Andrew, 3.  I'll spare you the long, drawn out version of the story, but it involved some swearing at the "boss" (who I assure you was no longer on the phone when I started my swearing and rant session).  I was in disbelief at the way I was just treated/spoken to by this guy whose ass I was saving on this particular day.  I was actually speechless, and in my silence I noticed that neither child had uttered a word.  I guess I had turned into a scary mommy at that moment because my kids never are quiet.

Herein presented my teachable moment about education.  I know that education will take my kids to places I only hope they want to go and that I hope will make them much more successful than I could ever have dreamed for them.  I talked to Jillian about how she needs to remember moments like this when I am unhappy in my job and to use that memory to never want to be like me.  I reinforced how going to school for something you enjoy will make a job never feel like one.  I can't imagine going to work every day feeling like I am not working.  I told her to find and grab and hold onto anything that she's passionate about and turn it into her career.  She's currently into her "cake decorating" phase.  Hell, who am I to say this is a phase.  She could, at this very moment, be doing what I told her to do; grab and hold onto it and run with it. 

She told me that she would love to learn how to turn people's ideas into cakes, etc. which turned into us talking about how much fun it would be to not only make these creations but to own your own place and have people working with you.  She liked this idea and she told me that she would never even think about treating her "people" like I get treated.  Insert the swelling heart moment here.  She heard me, she really heard me. 

I know there will be many more discussions before she goes off to high school and college and into a career, but it is never too early to start those wheels turning in their minds because I know that it is well before high school that the seeds are planted for their future.  My child is a smart child, and I know she will succeed in anything she puts her mind and heart into.  I only hope to open up possibilities and never push her away from her dreams, and I hope she believes me and never feels it's corny when I tell her she can do anything in this world she wants to do as long as she's happy. 

*cheers my friends*

You can also visit me at Confessions of a Truu Mom

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

My Many Hats

I have held three different mommy "positions" in my almost 11 years as a mom; the stay-at-home-mom (for a too-short 9 months), a full-time office working mom and currently, I am a work-at-home mom.  I work out of necessity, and I assure you that those out-of-home working moms are thinking that the scenario of a WAHM goes a little something like this; wake up to the sounds of the birds chirping on a beautiful sunny morning, slip soundlessly into the kitchen and make a fresh pot of coffee, take a few sips, breathe in the air, go lovingly wake up the children and send them off on the bus while you don your fuzzy bunny slippers, sip some more coffee and work peacefully for the next X amount of hours.  Please girls this is yet another misconception that the world of movies and books have given all of us.  Don't get me wrong at all; I love working from home most of the time.  There are the perks such as the most obvious, being home for your children and watching over them like hawks to make sure they stay on the straight-and-narrow (whatever version of that yours may be) and not having to get dressed (and in my case, not putting on a bra) and making your own schedule and blah-blah-blah.  There are the cons for sure; no paid sick days, no vacation days, no 401(k), making sure you pay your taxes, and I could go on.  Seriously, I'll stay at home then deal with office snarkiness any day.

However, I do invite you into my world for a second of how this particular day has since started.  It is 4:00 a.m. and I am having a bought of insomnia.  Okay, another perk of the WAHM, I can go downstairs and work while the house is asleep.  I slip quietly down the stairs so as not to wake the house until I misjudge the last step and go slamming myself against the wall in an attempt to not twist my ankle.  I pause, hold my breath, listen -- I've dodge a bullet.  No one woke up so I head to my office where I start up my lap top and get my gear going when I realize oh what the hell, I need tech support.  Did I happen to mention it's 4:00 a.m. and you know there is no tech support at 4:00 a.m.  It is what it is and I fart around the internet for an hour before I drag myself back upstairs where I don't promptly fall back to sleep because now I'm thinking about having to deal with tech support and how irritating those people are.  I suppose I fall back to sleep around 6:00 and when the alarm goes off I feel worse than if I had just stayed awake. 

It's time to get those kids up, and I can assure you that I do not sit on the edge of the bed and lovingly caress the hair out of my daughter's face.  I shake her and tell her we're late.  I'm surprised I don't get greeted with a grunt this morning.  Maybe this day won't be so bad after all.  It's 7:15 and I have the kids in the car and on the way to drop the big girl off at school when I feel my eyes crossing and I start to wonder how I'm going to make it through everything else I have to do today, and then a thought pops into my head.  I'm pretty lucky I think as I could be having to do all of this and get to work on time.  I'm suddenly feeling bad for all these cars on the road as most of them must be heading into work on this rainy day.  I'm jarred out of my thoughts to my oldest belting out words to a song I know from spin class and I start singing along; "So here's my number, call me maybe..."  I look in the other cars and I see no one bee-bopping to their own little pop number at 7:30 in the morning. 

I'm rejuvenated and know that I'll at least make it through the tech support nightmare.  In fact, I'm positive I'll make it through my entire day, with a countless number of coffee breaks and hopefully not many meltdowns (by me, not the toddler).  In the end, it doesn't matter what we do to pay the bills because all that counts is that we are doing the best we can with the cards we have been dealt.  I do not believe one has a "better" or "easier" job than the other.  We all have the same thankless, non-paying job and we do what we have to do to make our children's lives that much better than our own childhood because, after all, we are all striving for the same thing; the smiles of our children.

*cheers friends*

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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

My Daughter, My Teacher

I've been having a poor me week this week.  Nothing looks good on me, nothing really fits like I want it to regardless of how much gym time I put in.  I'm self-conscious about my appearance.  I'm feeling overly shy lately talking to people.  I'm awfully intimidated by some gym bitches, and I don't know why because they truly are bitches and most assuredly shouldn't be.  I don't know what it is, but I can say emphatically that I am not happy in my own skin lately.  This makes me sad, but I figure I'll "snap out of it" soon -- I hope.

So with this being said I have noticed that my 10-year-old, almost 11-year-old (gasp) daughter is the exact opposite of me lately.  She unabashedly belts out tunes in the car with the windows rolled down while waving to people smiling and singing.  When I ask her what she's doing she tells me that she is just seeing how many cranky or not cranky people there are on the road.  This causes me to chuckle as I think everyone on the road is cranky, but I'll be damned if she doesn't get at least three-quarters of the people to wave back at her.  She also got "dared" by her friend at school to wear her lop-sided ponytails out for the rest of the day and that day we just happened to go out to supper.  She proudly wore those ponytails and I loved her extra in that moment for not caring what people thought.  I would like to put a disclaimer here that I am never embarrassed by my children and actually was jealous that I couldn't wear my hair like that without feeling like a fool.  The other thing she has been doing lately is putting on her best hip hop dance moves in the house and begs me to film her.  I oblige because, after all, she's freakin' awesome and can totally bust a move 100% better than me.  Again, something I'm jealous of.

So as I look at her in adoration and smile at the innocence, I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness in the fact that this may come to an end soon.  I hope it doesn't.  I hope she embraces herself for all that she is and makes no apologies to anybody for being true to herself.  She is amazing in every possible way, and I just need to learn to embrace myself and love me just as much as she does.

*cheers my friends*

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