Thursday, April 19, 2012

Smiles My Daughter Gives Me

So Jillian left me this week to go camping with her friend, and when I say camping, I mean give me a break because I don't consider being in an RV at a campground which is more like a resort camping, but that's probably just because I'm jealous as hell.  I mean why wouldn't I be jealous in all honesty?  The girl gets away from me and my loud mouth barking orders at her.  She gets away from her brother, and while she adores him, I mean he's two-and-a-half, so come on, no explanation needed there.  She gets away from chores and a specific bedtime, and most importantly, she gets to go giggle incessantly for hours on end with her girlfriend.  This is the part I am most jealous of if I'm being honest.

Sure, there are the belly laughs I have with my friends when I'm lucky enough to find time to hang with one, but nothing compares to that giggling with your bestie about those inside jokes that you share.  I remember my 8th grade bestie and how we rode our bikes all over town during the summer and all those sleepovers we had and all those late nights giggling about all those things teenagers giggle about and bugging my mom to let me go to camp with her one time and the list goes on and on. 

Of course, this is not to say that I don't appreciate my adult friendships no matter how much they ebb and flow because the ones I share belly laughs with totally get me and I appreciate them immensely.  They are the ones I call to when I need to run away from my mommy-world for a couple of hours just to only end up bitching about my mommy-world over beers or wine or margaritas (depending upon which friend I'm with at the time).  These are the few precious moments that keep me hanging onto my sanity ever so tightly.

So as I sit here waiting for Jillian to get home from her adventure I am smiling knowing that this is one of the many memories she's made for herself and that I allowed her to make for herself.  Dare I admit that I have, indeed, missed the pouty face of hers and her stompy feet, but I feel like I pulled out my A+ mommy card by letting her go.  I just consider this time and the many more to follow as my trial runs for when she leaves me for good, leaves this house for good and makes a life of her own beyond me.  I know for a fact that these trial runs will do me no good when that inevitable moment arrives that she doesn't *need* me anymore, but I hope for her sake that I do then what I struggle to do now, let her go.

In the meantime, where the hell is she because I need someone to take out the recycling and sweep the floor.  I'm exhausted from doing all her chores this week.  Besides, I really miss those hugs and I need one right about now.

*cheers my friends*

1 comment:

  1. Nice. you're a good mom, as long as you keep worrying about being a good mom, then you probably are a good one. I remember summers like that....except instead of the giggling, there were a lot things being blown up with firecrackers and many days pretening to be Rambo.