Monday, January 24, 2011

Obsessions Put on the Back Burner (for at least a day)

So there has much obsessing and stressing from this mom as of late.  The past few months have been filled with many sleepless nights wondering how and where I'm going to find work to pay for Christmas presents, oh and pay that student loan, oh and pay for groceries.  You catch my drift.  So I've spent the past three months freaking out on a daily basis endlessly searching for work.  I thought I had it set about three different times all to come to a screeching halt with no heads up.

There came a point a couple of weeks ago where upon waking I actually started to cry realizing that I had to perform the same tricks, jump through the same damn hoops again this day.  I didn't want to get out of bed.  I've not felt this way in quite some time, and the mere thought of that in itself made me start crying all over again.  What kind of mother am I that I don't want to get out of bed because I feel I'm only going to disappoint myself, my husband, my kids again?!  So, yes, I got out of bed, trudged around the normal morning routine of breakfasts for the kids, lunch, backpack, bus, go...head to computer, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 - not that anyone had any of that for me.  I ended that day the same way I ended the past three months' worth of days; discouraged, disheartened, sad. 

Fast forward to last week where I was still at the same old, same old but this time it finally worked, my efforts that is.  Three different companies contacted me and all three of them invited me onto their team.  So I went ahead full of steam and energy ready to prove myself and show them that they wouldn't be sorry they took me on. 

Now, that I'm settled in and finished my work for this afternoon I see my little man looking at me with a runny nose that he rubbed all over his cheeks.  Poor little guy I think, scoop him up and wipe his nose clean.  I sit on the couch with him and thus begins the best five minutes I've had in weeks.  He snuggled with me and we watched Dora for a whole five minutes!  Five minutes is a long time for an 18-month-old!

This then led me to look around my living room and see the shambles it was in and realize that none of that matters.  What matters is that I do, in fact, have a house (thanks to my husband), I have a bunch of toys that I step on and bash my feet countless times a day, I have a happy baby, and now a job or two to boot.

So with all of this going on around me I think about one of my favorite all-time movies, and in the words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."  I've been missing a lot lately, and that's made me sad.  I also know now that it's okay.  My kids still love me and they had no idea why I was a little lost there for awhile.  What matters is that mom is back and ready to kick ass.  Let's just hope they can keep up!!

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