Five Years...

So apparently it is today, five years ago today that I was in a rented Jeep that had holes in the canopy driving down (or up) towards North Shore in Oahu to get married.  It was five years ago today that after the beach ceremony and heading back to Waikiki that it started to rain on our Jeep that had holes in the canopy.  Maybe that was a sign then of things to come.  Of course, if I had really been paying attention there were always signs around me even before that day five years ago in Hawaii. 

I'm sitting here this morning with an unexpected day off of work, a very cold November morning with a scarf around my neck (thanks Brandie), a coffee in a special mug made just for me (thanks Jilly), a heater under my desk (thanks Moca) and slippers on my feet (thanks again Jilly), and I know how much I wish this day was not being spent like this.  I mean it's not like my anniversary days were ever spent having tons of sex like a couple of in-lust teenagers skipping school or anything (thanks Brian), but I mean I surely didn't want to spend this day like "this" whatever the fuck "this" is supposed to be. 

I'm also sitting here alternating between pissed off and sad; pissed off that apparently for better or worse doesn't mean shit to a lot of people these days, and then sad because apparently I didn't give a shit about for better or worse at one point in time years ago and that the karma train finally reached me.  Whatever, whatever, I'm not riding down the pity party train or anything, but rather just being realistic.  I'm fucking sad and I'm supposed to own this shit or something like that.

I'm back to being pissed off now because I am wondering when the hell am I going to wake up and NOT have this shit on my mind and just start living my life.  This shit is exhausting and is breaking me and causing me to say, do, think some crazy shit, and I would really, really like to make it stop.  Clearly, as you can see, I don't know how to make it stop.  I'd really just love to wake up and start writing my blog about something not so heavy and find my inner awesome sense of humor again 'cause that's where it's at -- funny.  People like funny.  People come to read funny.  People stay for funny.  People didn't sign up for this mess of words I'm pretty sure about that.

*deep breath* *digging deep*

I'm going to get a move-on with this day and make it my bitch or at least try.  I'm hungry (that's a good sign) so I suppose I'll make some breakfast, do a little side work (thanks transcription) and focus on me and when the kids come home from school do my awesome mommy routine because let's face it, I'm pretty good at that shit when I try.

*cheers friends*

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